Tuwing sa langit tumitingala
Hinahanap makinang na tala
Hindi makita, tila nawala
Kasama ko na dito sa lupa

Tinig mo'y liwanag sa araw
Ngiti'y kinang sa dilim ng gabi
Sa lambing mo't gandang umaapaw
Ikot ng mundo ko'y tumitindi

Binibini, laging tatandaan
Dahil sa yo, ngayon ay masaya
Ikaw ang tanglaw sa kadiliman
Salamat sa kislap na yong dala

Aking bituing walang kapantay,
Sa buhay ko'y wag sanang mawalay.

Infinite Fate
Sonnet X
11-23-07 12:38 am

Kung ikaw ang takbuhan ng mga kaibigan mo kapag may problema sila, sino naman ang takbuhan mo kapag ikaw naman ang may problema? Kung ikaw ang nagpapasaya sa kanila kapag sila ay malungkot, sino naman ang nagpapasaya sa yo kapag malungkot ka?

Nung una kitang makilala di man lang kita napuna,
Di ka naman kasi ganoon kaganda, di ba?
Simpleng kabatak, simpleng kabarkada lamang ang tingin ko sa 'yo.
Di ko talaga alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito.
Ako'y napaisip at biglang napatingin, di ko malaman kung anong dapat gawin.



Dahan-dahang nag-iba ang pagtingin ko sa 'yo,
Gumanda ka bigla at ang mga kilos mo'y nakakapanibago.
Napansin ko na lamang na nalalaglag ang aking puso.
Badtrip talaga, na-i-in lab ako sa 'yo.
Tuwing kita'y nakikita ako ay napapangiti, para bang gusto kong halikan ang iyong mga pisngi.



CHORUS
Minamahal kita! ba't di ka maniwala?!
Anong kailangan kong gawin upang seryosohin mo
Ang aking sinasabi tungkol sa pag-ibig ko sa 'yo?
Maniwala ka sana, minamahal kita!



Nasira na yata ang ulo ko, kaiisip ko sa 'yo
Kahit saan tumingin ay mukha mo ang nakikita ko.
Pero bakit para kang naiilang, ako ay iyong iniiwasan?
Ako'y nahihirapan, wala namang ganyanan!
Pakiramdam ko ngayon ako ay nagmumukhang gago.
Ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag "i love you".
Kasi di na tayo tulad ng dati
Ngayon sa akin ay diring-dire!
(CHORUS)

Happiness is a choice.
Kahit ano man ang trabaho mo, kahit sino pa ang kasama mo, kung gugustuhin mong sumaya, sasaya ka. Pero may mga pagkakataon na kahit anong pilit mo sa sarili mo, para bang pinagkaisahan ka ng buong mundo sa pagbibigay ng mga bagay na makakapagpalungkot sa yo.
Masarap gawin ang isang bagay kung meron kang pinag-aalayan ng iyong tagumpay, o kaya naman ay alam mong may karamay ka kung ika'y mabigo. Sapat bang magtagumpay mag-isa? Sasaya ka nga ba kung ikaw ang magiging pinakamagaling, ikaw ang nasa itaas, pero wala ka namang kasama?
Ano nga ba ang dahilan kung bakit ka nagtatrabaho? Gusto mo bang yumaman? Gusto mo bang sumikat? O wala ka lang talagang magawa? Paano kung ang presyo ng ginagawa mo ngayon o pinaplano mong gawin ay ang unti-unti mong paglayo sa mga mahal mo sa buhay? Tutuloy ka pa rin ba?
Bakit nga ba hindi na tayo masiyahan sa kung ano ang meron tayo? Bakit patuloy tayong naghahanap ng magpapasaya pa lalo sa atin? Ganito ba talaga ang pagkakagawa sa ating mga tao?
Bakit sinasaktan natin ang mga nagmamahal sa atin, habang hinahayaan nating saktan tayo ng mga taong mahal natin ngunit hindi tayo mahal? Ang nakakatawa pa, hindi natin mahal ang nagmamahal sa atin dahil may mahal tayong iba na hindi naman tayo mahal dahil may mahal silang iba na hindi naman sila ang mahal... Ang gulo noh? Iilan lang ba ang kakilala kong nagtagpo na talagang mahal ang isa't-isa? O posible nga ba talaga ito? Karamihan ng mga kakilala ko ay natutunan na lamang mahalin ang mga karelasyon nila.
Happiness is a choice... Anak ng pusang ligaw... Sino ba ang ayaw sumaya? Saan ba tayo nagkakamali? Sa happiness ba o sa choice? Ah ewan...

Bakit nga ba lagi nating sinasaktan ang taong nagmamahal sa atin? At bakit nga ba pumapayag tayong masaktan ng taong mahal natin ngunit hindi naman tayo mahal? Bakit kailangang may maghirap at magdusa para makamtan ang kakarampot na saya? Paano nga ba natin maipapadama ang tunay na halaga ng isang tao?

Tapos na... Balik na ulit sa boring na buhay... =)

Miss ko na ...
ang mga kulitan,
mga kwentuhan,
asaran,
kumustahan...
mga sabihan ng problema,
bigayan ng payo...



Miss ko na makita ng malapitan ang yong mga ngiti...



Araw-araw mang nakikita...
...miss na miss na kita

Never find reasons to help others. Just help.



After helping, do not ask them to pay you back. Instead, ask them to pay it forward.



Faced with two choices, use the following guides to decide:
a. Between two good choices, choose the one that will benefit most people.
b. Between one that will hurt yourself and one that will hurt others, choose the one that will hurt yourself.
c. Between two choices that will hurt other people, choose the one that will hurt the least.



Tell the people you love how you really feel. And tell them now.



Have no regrets.



Pray. Always. Happy or sad, triumphant or defeated, whatever your mood is, never forget to pray.

I silently prayed...



"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."



And then, another prayer...



"Lord, grant her the serenity to accept the things she cannot change, the courage to change the things she can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."



After one very long deep breathe, I made up my mind.



It is time.



I know that once I crossed the line, there is no turning back. Facing uncertainty with so much to lose and so little hope of winning, I braced myself for the outcome. And so it hit me, and I must admit, no matter how prepared I think I was, it hit me hard.



There are battles where you know that you will certainly win, but for one reason or another, you should not go to. And still there are battles where you know that you have so little chance of winning, and yet you have to face them. Alas, this one is the latter.



There are also battles in which you have no intention of joining, but because of someone else's foolishness, you are dragged right in the middle and forced to fight. This is what she is facing.



Sometimes, you have to experience defeat to learn a valuable lesson. Sometimes, you have to face your deepest fear to move on, to grow, to mature. And sometimes, you need to get hurt to become better and stronger.



Most of the time, the future you tried so hard and so long to build will crumble in an instant right in front of your eyes. Fear not, for there is always a reason, and a good one it is. Just believe. And trust. In yourself, and most importantly, in God.



"Life has great options, you don't always have to pick what seems best. Sometimes, the best and the perfect will not make you happy. You may have chosen what seems wrong or caught in a not so good situation but at times, it is through them that our lives become better."



Never forget the 22nd of July, year 2007.

A lot has happened to me these last few months... Hindi ko tuloy alam kung saan magsisimula... Hmmm.... I guess I'll start with my over-extended birthday! Nakakatuwa kasi narealize ko nung birthday ko na ang tanda ko na pala... Nyahahaha! Pero more than the age, I made a bigger realization: sa maiksing panahon pa lamang ng pamamalagi ko sa mundong ito, napakarami ko na palang nakasalamuha at nakilalang tao. Most of them became my friends, a handful became my most hated persons. Nakakalungkot lang isipin na bibihira ko na lang nakaka-usap yung iba lalo na yung mga taga-Malolos. Going back to my birthday, talagang extended yung celebration ko, thanks to my SGV friends... Kasi naman, kalimutan ba na birthday ko... hmp! Di bale, bumawi naman kayo e. =) Sa office, syempre andun yung usual kantahan at gift-giving: my favorite tiramisu cake! Thanks alshe!



So much for my birthday, blog naman ako regarding work. After almost 5 months, I'm starting to love it! At sabi nga ni pareng rodg: if you love your work, you work no more. Pero there are other reasons why I love going to work... di ba insan??? hehehe...



Ano pa ba... yung reunion pala sa kalibutbut... Swimming, inuman, kainan, kwentuhan, sugalan... hehehe... san ka pa? At meron pang mga babaeng magaganda... kasi madilim at nakainom kame... nyahahaha!



Wala na ako maisip.. next time na lang ulit... Over and out.

It has been 9 days since my birthday, pero hanggang ngaun feeling ko birthday ko p rn... hahaha! Maraming salamat sa lahat ng nag greet! special thanks to the following:



family - itay at inay, ate (tnx sa wallet), kuya and atch (tnx sa money), kel and faye (tnx sa G50)



relatives - tito nes, jo and leo, tita nena, pot



college batchmates - rodg, felj, drew, wilson, pilar, khom, augs, marc, kazu, rodel, ge, paolo



high school friends - bato, patrick, mikee, pao



elem friends - jeph, regina



SGV friends - dyan, april, ida, ric, jane, judie



IS Audit family - sublime sheree, insan aleli, mommy sielle, pareng JL, ate nice, sir ron



Internal Audit family



friendly friends - nes, tins, lyn, janne, annie, robertson, gracie, ate mhalou



...at sa lahat ng nakalimot... tumatanggap pa ako ng greetings, pero requirement na may kasama nang gift... =)

Today, I will be crossin the line... Everything will change from now on.



Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...

Your fragile, folded wings
are just tired from the pure blue sky.
You don't have to force your smiles for anyone.
It's okay to smile... for yourself.



That lonely feeling keeps creeping up on me.
A single candle burns still inside.
There shouldn't be an expensive chamdelier in a wild place like this.
Can I really bury it all with empty words?
I don't even know anymore...



As long as we can swim freely in our dreams
we won't need that sky anymore.
Even if you can't let go of the past
I'll still be there to meet you tomorrow.



Your fragile, folded wings
are just tired from the pure blue sky.
You don't have to force your smiles for anyone.
It's okay to smile... for yourself.

Everything has a reason. No matter what happens, I will always be there for you... I promise. Never looking back, we will face our future, stronger than we could ever be. Hold on, this journey will be short. And in the end, let us cherish those moments gone past, in sweet company of each other.

I like you.
Yes, I really do.
I know you can feel it,
I do want you to.



It can never be.
Yes, I know that too.
But please, just let me be,
This is what I want to do.



I love you.
I know this may be too early.
But how can I deny this feeling,
That all I want is you?

Sa karimlan ng langit, ang dilim ng gabi,
Patak ng luha'y nahulog sa batis.
Tadhanang marahas, dakilang naapi,
Sa daigdig ng dilim, bumalik-umalis.



Digma ng dugo at sigwa ng laman.
Silahis ng araw, sumilang sa silangan.
Araw na gulang ay nilukob ng karimlan.
Ilaw at dilim, nang mag-abot ay naglaban.



Kapangyarihang taglay na likas sa araw,
Pinalakas ng damdaming puno ng alab.
Nasapawan ang biyayang handog ni Adlao,
Ginhawa sa loob ay apoy na nagliyab.



Hindi natinag ang araw ng kadiliman,
Nagpanggap na pag-asa nitong ating bayan.
Hinikayat ang mga litong mamamayan,
Bumuo ng hukbong sadyang katatakutan.



Humupa ang kaguluhan, dilim ay napawi.
Sinag ng kalayaa'y nasapawa't nagapi.
Unti-unting nalimot, dahan-dahang nasawi.
Mapagkunwang liwanag ang siyang nagwagi.



Namuno sa bayan, ginapi ang kalaban,
Inialay rito, isang huwad na kalayaan.
Bayaning tinanghal ang putik na kaibigan,
Naging tanglaw na nagdadala sa kawalan.



Matagal nang nagapi, mapang-aliping lahi,
Atin nga bang nakamit, kalayaang mithi?
'Pagkat sa loob at labas ng bayan kong sawi,
Kaliluhan pa rin ang nangyayaring hari.



-Infinite Fate-
February 2005

A faraway voice calls me in
One after another, comrades prepare to battle
No more doing the same stuff over and over,
We're gonna turn that shit inside-out, ARE YOU READY?



My body shivers straight to the core
The energy rings out like violent stomping
It calls me unrelentingly
This is an unstoppable comeback story



Come on, everybody stand up!
Today's your best shot!
You're a speed hunter, you can't be stopped!
You're a hit, everyone's watching you! YEAH!



Come on, everybody hands up!
It's the hero's comeback you've been waiting for!
Throw up your hands and count down!
Let's go, 3-2-1 MAKE SOME NOISE!



Hey yo, there's gonna be risks, can you handle 'em all?
Get back up and get it on no matter how much you fall!
It's not some deep connection, just a paper-thin session
Now those pent-up feelings are a crystal of emotions



The rising tide of cheers will give you courage
Getting back up this time will be harder than ever.
But I know you'll end up smiling!
The thrill of victory will push it all away!



Everybody stand up!
Today's your best shot!
You're a speed hunter, you can't be stopped!
You're a hit, everyone's watching you! YEAH!



Come on, everybody hands up!
It's the hero's comeback you've been waiting for!
Throw up your hands and count down!
Let's go, 3-2-1 MAKE SOME NOISE!

Let this be the day.
Like the legendary phoenix rising from the ashes, I will be reborn. My phoenix lament is over. Let the pains and miseries of the past be burnt by my rebirth flame.
Today, I will start anew. I will be a new person, stronger and  definitely better. I will soar higher than my previous dreams. And never will I let my focus be disrupted again. This time is MY time.
Let this be the day.

Marahan akong humigop sa aking tasa sabay palihim na sumulyap sa iyong kinauupuan. Habang masaya kang nakikipagkuwentuhan sa iyong mga kasama, masinsin ko namang pinagmasdan ang yong mga ngiti. Nang minsang lumagi ang yong paningin sa kinalalagyan ko, masining ko namang iniwas ang pagkakatitig ko sa yo. Ang tangi kong pangarap ay maging bahagi ka ng aking buhay... Nakakatawa, dahil alam kong ito'y mananatiling pangarap na lamang. Kung ano ang init ng iniinom kong kape, siya namang lamig ng nararamdaman ko ngayon.



April 22, 2007
10:59pm
(Concept taken from Ana's Blog "A Warm Cup")

Paano nga ba masasabi ang nilalaman ng isang damdaming puno ng paghanga at pagsinta sa isang binibining kahit anong pilit ay hindi kailanman makakayanang abutin? Bakit nga ba hinayaan pang mahulog ang loob sa kanya, gayung kahit saang anggulo man tingnan ay wala talagang kapag-a-pag-asa. Sapat na ba ang makita ang kanyang matamis na ngiti, marining ang malamyos nyang tinig, malanghap ang bango ng kanyang mahabang buhok? Sa paglipas ng mga araw ay unti-unting nawawalan ng ulirat ang pag-iisip na walang laman kundi ang kanyang mala-anghel na mukha. Bawat salitang namumutawi sa mga labi ay nagsusumamong isigaw ang ngalan nya. Siya ang panaginip tuwing gabi at salamisim sa pagsapit ng umaga. Paano nga ba ipaaalam kung ngayon pa lamang ay nanghihina na... kinakapos ng hininga... kinakabog ang dibdib... hindi makapagsalita. Kinakailangan nga bang ilagay sa walang kasiguraduhan ang pagkakaibigang tanging nagbibigay ng buhay at sigla sa akin ngayon? At nararapat bang bulag-bulagang sundin ang takda ng kalinangang baluktot at wari'y hindi pinag-isipan? Hindi pa ba sapat ang lakas ng damdamin upang gapiin ang mga malabundok na hadlang sa aking nararamdaman? At pagdating ng takipsilim ng aking buhay, siya kaya ang kasama kong tatanaw sa mga masasayang alaala ng aming nakaraan? Sana nga.


Infinite Fate
March 27, 2007
7:53 PM
March 31, 2007
1:24 PM

When does love start?



Is it at first sight? During the first date? Experiencing the first touch?



Does love start the first time you see her sweet smile? Her flowing black hair? Her smooth, fair skin?



Does it begin once you hear her soft, calming voice?



The real question is does love has a beginning? And if it has none, does that mean that it will never end?



Love is eternal, love is pure. It does not start, it simply manifests itself. A powerful force that can stand in front of a tornado and will never waver. It will never end, as glorious as the rising sun during the early hours of morning. Love is mysterious, it can make a weak person strong and a strong person weak. It will leave you sleepless at night and dazed during mornings, yet completely happy and full of energy.

I had one of my best valentines day ever. Yup, i am single, and that made it the best. I spent the day with my barkada, going to different places, having a massage, drinking and reminiscin the good old days. It was fun, and costs way less than an "ordinary" valentines day.



It's funny that I enjoy being single right now. Coming from my past relationships, it really isn't surprising. Mabuhay ang NGP (tama ba, rodg? hahaha)!



It's stupid for people to go looking for love when it is staring them in the face, and it's stupider to keep holding on, thinking that there is still love, while in reality there is only insecurity and fear. Love begins with friendship, nurtured by care, sincerity, affection, respect, and most specially, TRUST. Without these, there can never be love.



But then again, there is this unexplainable void inside me which I feel couldn't be filled up. Well, not yet.



Anyways, I started working yesterday (yes, i'm a bum no more! bwahaha) . Met my batchmates and I really am excited. I hope, and I feel, that this job would last. Hahaha...

I once thought I know what true love is.



Really, do I?



Is it the feeling every morning when I wake up and start looking for her?



Is it the immeasurable frustration that I feel when I don't see or hear her for a day, the unexplainable sadness of not smelling her perfume?



Is it the extraordinary joy that I feel when I'm sitting beside her, her head peacefully resting on my shoulder?



Nah, that can't be it.



Perhaps it is the never ending pain and suffering of losing her...



...or maybe the nights without sleeping and the days without eating...



...or can it be the weekly inuman with peers and friends?



I don't think so.



They say that true love is the satisfaction and contentment one feels when one is with his special someone.



Then what if I'm not with her? Can I say that I truly love her?



And when a relationship ends, is it true love to hold on, or to move on?



"Love may take long. But it will always take you where you belong. Just hold on and enjoy the journey. No need to worry because your heart will know when it's finally home. Learn to trust the perfect time so that you may discover that all the pain found in waiting has a magnificent and awesome purpose. In God's time, you will fall in love for the right reason with the right person. When that time comes, love will be worth the wait, the tears, the pain. Then you'll forget you ever waited."

For all the people who keep on asking me this question, here are my answers:



1. If you read Harry Potter books, then you probably know what a pensieve is. Writing on a blog is like storing one's thoughts in a pensieve. However, since I have no pensieve and I am no wizard,  I have no choice but to litter my thoughts here in my blogsite. There are times when there are so many thoughts swimming around my mind, writing them down on a blog provides great mental relief. As an added bonus, I can easily "browse" through my previous thoughts when they are written down.



2. Yes, you may have noticed, I am a frustrated poet/essayist. Blogging provides me with a free venue for publishing my works.



3. There are times when a topic/issue tickles my mind so much but there is no one whom I can debate with.



4.  Blogging improves my language (English/Filipino) skills. It improves my grammar, vocabulary and writing style.



5. Like my friend Randy, I want my life to be fully-documented, so that our future biographer would have no problem documenting our life. Hahaha!



Overall, I blog for myself. I don't really care if people read my posts, though I appreciate it if they do.



Kaya sa mga naiirita dahil laging nakikita ang mukha ko sa "Friend's Blogs" section nila o dahil sa laging nakakatanggap ng "Mon has updated his Blog" sa email nila,
paumanhin, pasensya at patawad. Inggit lang kayo... hahaha! =P

I long to tell you
How much I need you
If I could find the words to say
I’d never have to feel this way
Not knowin’ just what to do when I’m with you

My friends, they tell me
That I shouldn’t hurry
Yet this feelin’ keep goin’ strong
‘Cause you keep it goin’ on
Though I have to say how much I love you

Chorus:
(Oh) Anna, can’t you tell and see
What you’re doin to me
Oh, Anna, this feelin’ I just can’t hide
Keeps drivin’ me wild
Oh Anna, I need you here with me
I wish it could be.
Oh Anna, won’t you stay with me?
(Ohh!)

Your eyes they look through me
Your smile, they push me
I’ve never thought I’d love again
But this time I hope it never ends
I have to tell you know how I love you.

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Oh, Anna

(Repeat Chorus)

1.
Hindi mo ba napapansin...
Sa yo ako'y may pagtingin?
Hindi mo kaya nadarama...
Sulyap sa yo nitong mga mata?



2.
Inaabangan ang yong mga gawi
Nasasabik sa yong mga ngiti
Umaasang minsan ay dumampi
Makinis mong pisngi dito sa 'king labi



3.
Tanggapin mo kaya, magandang binibini
Pagtingin kong sa yo lamang lagi?
Pansinin mo naman, damdamin kong sawi
Binihag ng yong ganda at yumi



4.
Sana'y sa pag gising sa umaga,
Mukha mo ang una kong makita.
Sa pagdilat ng inaantok na mata,
Init ng yakap mo ang aking madama.



5.
Bakit hindi kayang sabihin,
Nilalaman nitong damdamin?
Bakit hindi kayang iparating,
Ikaw ang tangi kong hiling?



6.
Kung sa pagtulog lang kita mahahagkan,
Kung sa panaginip lang kita mahahalikan,
Kung sa pangarap, tayo ay magkapiling
Mas nanaisin pang wag na sanang magising



Jan 4, 2007; 5:06am [3 & 4]
Jan 5, 2007; 3:23am [1 & 2]
Jan 9, 2007; 3:10am [5 & 6]