Pitong taon na ang nakalipas
Nang puso'y bihagin at igapos
Buha't noo'y pilit makaalpas
Sinikap na ito ay matapos

Larawan sa isip, di mapawi
Bangag sa aga't baliw sa gabi
Katinua'y hindi na nabawi
Dahil sa iyong ganda at yumi

Parusang ito'y aking hinarap
Matatag ma't magiting ay bagsak
Sa 'yong parusang hatid ay sarap
Tunay na saya, ako'y hinatak

Pangarap ang sa tao ay buhay
Pangarap ko, sa `ki'y wag mahimlay

Infinite Fate
Sonnet IX
12/28/01
Blogged with the Flock Browser
My Final Fantasy
December 17, 2001

“There is no right or wrong, only people who fight for what they believe in…”

It has been a long and tiring journey, and still, life must go on. Since the beginning of my life, I have been struggling, for life, for fame, and for love. My mother was brought to the hospital on a rainy afternoon of June 19, 1984. She was about to bring out God’s special gift to this world… me. Time slowly passed… tic-tac tic-tac… there seems to be a problem. I was unmoving inside my mother’s womb, hanging tightly, afraid of getting out to the real world. Like an angel gently encouraging a frightened child, the doctor did his best in bringing me out to a world unknown. And so, after an exhausting and laborious overnight in the operating room, the one destined to change the world gave his first cry.

THAT is my fantasy… to bring a world where morality does not exist, where there is only love and peace, where sin not known and guilt is not present. But again, that is just a fantasy.

Believe it or not, it is my fantasy, or to be more realistic, my dreams, that fuel my desires to do things, to live and to exist. That is probably the reason why I am always struggling… to fulfill these dreams… these fantasies.

But to make it clearer, let me differentiate my dreams from my fantasies. Both of them are goals, something or someone that I desire. A ribbon at the end of a racetrack, a pouch of money at the top of a palo sebo bamboo. But the main difference is whether or not I achieve these goals. In the beginning, all my goals are fantasies, something that seems impossible to achieve. If I become successful, then it becomes a dream come true… if not, it will remain, as it is, a fantasy.

For seventeen years now, I have made a lot of dreams and a lot of fantasies. Some of them were very simple, so simple that they are almost insignificant, and some of them were products of my wildest imagination. Once when I was two years old, I woke up and found myself all alone inside our house. I kept on calling my parents, brothers, sister and cousins, to no avail. For me, just to see them again back then was my greatest dream.

I remember myself when I was in Kindergarten. I was number one in drawing different shapes and coloring them. My works were always showed to the whole class. For me, that was a great achievement, my first triumph against my struggle for fame.

When I was in my Preparatory, I met my first peer group or “barkada”. Back then, I always look forward to going to school. I have my friends with me, and I can easily relate myself with them. But there is another reason for my enthusiasm in going to school. It was none other than my first crush, the rose among the thorns. It was a struggle for love, if it can be called love, or more appropriately, a struggle for affection.

My elementary life was a big blast! It was jam-packed with experiences and lessons that I still carry up to now. During my first year, I was bored in going to school and because of that, I skipped classes and was almost kicked out of school. But in spite of the bad consequences, I do not regret that experience. I believe that that is part of my struggle in finding my true self.

Grade three was my golden year in elementary. I received high grades, I was in the company of my good friends, we visit the chapel every morning and I was closer to God, I received my very first own bicycle and most especially, I met my second crush! What else could I ask for? During this time, my fantasies became dreams, my dreams became realities.

The following year was also a good one. I was transferred to the star section, another victory for my struggle for fame. Together with my two best friends, I easily overtook all the obstacles that hinder me from achieving my goals. My fantasy of being a leader-servant was realized when I became the Class Treasurer. And to add to that, I met someone especially dear to my heart. She is an angel in disguise, an Aphrodite in beauty and Psyche in soul. Unfortunately, until now, she is still a fantasy. A star so close yet so far away. A fire that burns inside of me that I cannot extinguish. So much for that...

My elementary life climaxed when I was in my final year. I literally neglected my studies. I was looking for myself, so foolishly looking for myself that I failed to look inside me. There I was, wandering in the streets of Manila, going from one Mall to another, filling my heart with worldly pleasures. But again, I do not regret that experience of mine. It is an incident that will never secede from me. It is one of the main factors that made me who I am right now.

I carried the scar of that incident with me in my high school years in San Beda. I was at my peak emotionally and spiritually. I was ready to face all the obstacles that will hinder me from getting what I want. And eventually, I made it to the top. With so much lessons and experiences that I had during those times, I graduated high school with a contented heart.

And now, I am finally in College. Seventeen years and still counting… But there is still something that I want, something that I desire. To become a hero… a modern hero. To be the “Chrono Trigger”, the one who will alter Time and bring fame and glory to my Motherland. To be written in history books and be remembered by my people. To live and to give life. To love and be loved. Let this be… my Final Fantasy.