Random Thoughts on Fatherhood and Blogging

It has been more than 4 years since I became a father, and my journey is still a young one. I would love to write every little detail of my exhilarating ride, but the problem with blogging when I already have a family is that I am not talking about just myself anymore. Back when I started polluting the Internet with my nonsense writings, I made a conscious decision that I would not care about what people think about me because of the things and events that I write, especially about what's going on in my mind. This was my outlet, this was my punching bag, and at times, this was the only thing keeping me sane.

But this is not the case anymore. As a father, my first and foremost concern is the well-being of my family. Unfortunately, this means filtering my thoughts, censoring my words, and being careful on how people will perceive my family based on what I write. I don't care if you see me as a corny, emotional, attention-seeking person. That is your problem, not mine. But if someone thinks even a little bit of negative thought about my family, then I will be that person's problem. This bias on keeping a positive image of my family, even if reality is not always that way, makes me a lousy writer. But I accept it. And I will continue writing. Not because I want to paint a fake image of what is going on with our life as a family. It's simply because this blog is, and will always be, about me. And whatever I write is an indication of my values, my priorities, and my personality at a particular point in time. At this stage of my life, I want to be a good father, and at the same time, chronicle what's going on my mind by giving a tiny breath of life to this dying blog.

In this note, I would just like to highlight how fatherhood changes a person. Priorities changed, patience tested, and happiness redefined. When I was a teenager, my goal is to change the world. Right now, I consider sleeping for one more hour a day as my primary objective. Before, I thought that beating a game in its most difficult setting is the highest level of satisfaction that I can have. Today, hearing my son asked me "Join?"(with his "puss-in-boots eyes"), when my wife and I were going out for a while, brings immeasurable melancholic happiness that I never thought would be possible.

Being married to the most wonderful woman in the world helped me a lot in coping up with this change. I cannot emphasize more how important it is for parents to support each other in this crucial time in their lives. For us, I make sure that I entertain our little angel whenever I have the time, and give him to his mother when he turns into his "kraken"-mode. Talk about teamwork! :) Seriously though, "me, trying to be a good father" is equal parts "me, having a son" and "me, having my wife". It's easy to be a father, it's a lot different to try and be a good one. Having my wife beside me in this journey is a blessing that I am always thankful of.

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