Sobrang tagal ko nang hindi nakapag-blog. Sa sobrang tagal, nakalimutan ko na ang username at password sa sarili kong website... After some trial and error, nakapasok rin sa wakas...

Sa homepage ng Wordpress ko, bumulaga ang 195 comments for approval ko. Wow! Natuwa naman ako... Ang dami namang nagbasa at nagcomment sa blog ko! So dali-dali akong nagpunta sa "comments" section. Walanjo... puros spam pala... Hehehe... Sample comments:
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Ayun... So bago ko ipagpatuloy ang blog na to, kailangan ko pang i-mark as spam lahat ng comments na yun... Hay... BRB...
In my boring and ordinary plight,
Lonely and uneventful existence,
Out of this darkness, you brought me your light,
Victim no more of this cruel sense

Ever so lucky I am 'cause of you
Just like someone who found lost family
Everything I am is happy and true
Now and forever, I'll hold you near me.

Nothing can block our love - no height, no length
You're the life and soul of my every cell.
Loving you is my constant source of strength
You're my very own typhoon-brought angel.

Now that I'm complete, there's no more dismal
Never will I stop loving my kambal.
Kahit gaano mo na katagal kakilala ang isang tao, mayroon at mayroon ka pa ring malalamang bago tungkol sa kanya. Ang pagkilala sa isang kaibigan, kapamilya, o maging kaaway, ay isang pang habang-buhay na adhikain. Kung tatanggapin natin ito bilang katotohanan, mamarapatin nating tanging ang taong alam nating makakasundo natin ang ating pipiliin upang maging kabiyak ng ating buhay.

Sa maiksing panahon na nakilala ko sya, masasabi kong nahanap ko na ang nais kong makasama sa habang panahon. Paano ako nakasisiguro? Kasi sa bawat bagong natututunan ko tungkol sa kanya, lalo lamang nag-aalab ang damdamin kong walang ibang sinasambit kundi ang ngalan nya. Bawat nakakatuwa at nakaka-inis na gawi nya ay nagsisilbing gasolina na nagpapatakbo sa aming relasyon na may surpresa, kasiyahan, at mga aral na matututunan. Higit sa lahat, ano man ang pagdaanan ko sa buong araw, iisang bagay lang ang makakapag tapos nito sa isang mabuting paraan -- ang makausap sya.

Sa pagsasara ng araw na ito, aking babalikan ang isang buong taon na naging mahalaga sa aking buhay. Hindi man ito puros saya, masasabi ko pa rin sa aking sarili na bawat segundo nito ay aking pahahalagahan at itatago sa kaibuturan ng aking puso. Ang mga pangyayaring na to ang tumulong upang mabuo ako. Sila ang nagbigay sa akin ng hindi matatawarang karanasan na dadalhin ko sa aking pagtanda. At higit sa lahat, ang mga pangyayaring ito ang nagbigay sa akin ng isang anghel dito sa lupa na muling nagpaliyab sa apoy ng aking damdamin.
Neglect is such a common thing in this world. No matter where you go, you will always hear someone neglecting something. I wonder if it is just human nature, but neglect is so prevalent that people actually expect it to happen in a given timespan. For example, when parents are buying their children new toys, one of the factors they will consider is the amount of time that the child will probably play with those toys. "Dalawang araw lang pagsasawaan din nya yan, tapos hindi na nya papansinin", is a common sentiment that you can hear a mother in the toy store.

Neglect is when one put little or no value to something, or someone than one usually does in the past. It presupposes two things: (1) the person/thing has been valuable to him, and (2) this value that he attaches to the person/thing has gradually diminished.

The question now is, why?

Can we blame it all on human nature? Is it the fault of the person/thing?

They say that virtue is a middle point between two vices (actually, it was my brother Kel who told me this). If neglect is one of the two vices sandwiching a virtue, what is the other vice? Is it obsession? Placing too much value on someone/something? If so, then how can you determine the "proper" level of attention to be accorded to someone or something?
What is Love? What is Pride? Is Pride the absence of Love? Or is Love the absence of Pride? Are we naturally proud? Or are we naturally loving? Can we love when we are proud? Can we be proud when we are in love?

So many questions, asked since the beginning of time, yet no one has the definite and absolute answer.

Is there an answer? I think, or I hope, there is. It may not be universal, it may not be absolute, but it is the one I believe in.

Every one of us, when we are born, is naturally loving. If nurtured and reared in a perfect environment, every one of us can become reflection of God. We do not, however, live in a perfect environment. Thus, our natural loving nature is replaced by pride as we grow up. It is our natural response to the cruel and competitive world that we live in.

Love is the absence of pride. It is the state where we start to think more of others than of ourselves. It is when we put the well-being of others before ours. It is doing what is best for them even if it means being hurt, left, and/or humiliated.

As we mature, we may or may not revert to our naturally loving selves. Sometimes, we may even confuse pride as "love" (i.e., love for ourselves). Despite the numerous role models on love that we have throughout history, we decide to ignore them in our actions even though we invoke them non-sparingly in our words. As long as we think of our well-being before the well-being of others, we will never experience love at its truest, finest, and purest form.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." - 1 Corinthians 13:4
There are a lot of reasons why I love watching movies. Aside from the usual entertainment value it provides, it also allows me to learn so many things that I do not have to experience myself.  It also gives me an opportunity to see different sides of a story, enabling me to enhance my ability to look at the broader picture.

One of the most important lessons I learned from a movie is summarized in my favorite quotation: "there is no right or wrong, only people who fight for what they believe in". I got it  from Samurai X (Rurouni Kenshin), the Movie, wherein one of the characters acknowledged the complexity of the situations faced by different sides during war. Applying the same logic in our everyday life, it is really easy to judge people depending on what they do, without thinking of the situation or story that that person has. If we start to think about or empathize with that person, we will realize where that person is coming from and we will have better understanding and appreciation of the things that he does.
"What if when you woke up, you didn't know the difference between the dream world, and the real world?" - Morpheus, the Matrix

It also allows me to realize many things that I will not normally think about. As such, giving me greater appreciation of the life and reality I have at the present.
"Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are arbitrary. Some of us pray to Jesus, some us go to Mecca, some of us study subatomic particles. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves." - Vittoria, Angels & Demons

Lastly, I consider movies, along with modern-day books, as necessary supplements to our faith and understanding of the greatest mystery of all - life. Supplements, I say, since our primary literary source is, of course, the Bible (or whatever holy book you may believe in). Necessary, since modern-day literary pieces echoes the universal truths contained in our Bible provided in a setting that we can understand and relate to.
May 29, 2010
10:36 PM

It happened just like the way I imagined it. No fancy dress, no music playing in the background. Just me and her, doing the most favorite thing that we do - talking.

Maraming nagtatanong sa kin kung bakit hindi ko pa sya tinatanong. Ang lagi kong sagot - naghihintay pa ako ng tamang oras. Kailan nga ba ang tamang oras? Sa tinagal-tagal ko nang walang girlfriend, ano pa nga ba ang hinihintay ko? Mahirap maintindihan, mahirap maipaliwanag, pero ang tamang panahon ay hindi napaplano, hindi napaghahandaan.

Walang plano, walang paghahanda - just one simple and honest moment.



Sa gitna ng aming pag-uusap, sa likod ng aking isip, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, aking napagtanto: ito na ang hinihintay ko. Masarap talagang maramdaman na pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon, natagpuan ko na ang matagal ko nang hinahanap. Yung taong pwede kong makausap ng walang pagpapanggap. Yung taong tanggap ako at tanggap ko. Yung taong nagiging inspirasyon ko para abutin ang mga pangarap ko.

At sa gabing ito, habang kami ay nag-uusap, nabuo ang lakas ng loob upang itanong ang matagal ko nang hinihintay. Hindi ko namalayan, isang tahimik na ngiti pala ang nabuo sa aking labi. Isang ngiti na hindi nakalusot sa matalas nyang mga mata. Walang kamalay-malay, pilit nyang tinanong kung ano ang nasa isip ko. Nakakatuwa, sa isang payak na pagtaas ng dulo ng aking mga labi, alam na kagad nya na mayroon akong nais sabihin. Ito na talaga ang hinahanap kong pagkakataon.

Ang pagkakataon kung saan ang puso at isipan namin ay pinag-isa ng aming matapat at taimtim na pag-uusap. Ang pagkakataon na kahit walang sabihin, may pinag-uusapan. Ang pagkakataon na sa isang tingin, sa isang ngiti, sa isang yakap, mapagsasama ang dalawang magkahiwalay na indibidwal at nagiging isa.

Tinanong ko na sya. At tinanong ulit. Sumagot sya.

Sa ngayon, hindi na bago kung ano ang sinagot nya. Ngunit higit sa salitang binitawan, hindi hamak na mas mahalaga ang pagtatagpo at unawaan ng dalawang damdaming iisang bulong ang isinisigaw. Mahal kita.
Sobrang ayaw kong mag-MRT noon. Sobrang siksikan, mainit, maingay. Lalo na pag natapat ka sa pintuan ng tren. Para kang na-gang rape sa bawat istasyon. Oo, nababasa ko ang isip mo. At hindi ang sagot ko -- Hindi pa ako naga-gang rape. "Hyperbole" ang tawag dun. Parang pag sinabi mong "ang init naman dito, parang impyerno". Hyperbole yun. Pwede ring "ang ganda talaga ni Anne Curtis, para syang isang anghel". Hyperbole na naman. Pero pag sinabi kong "Ang pogi mo naman", sarcasm naman yun.

Mabalik tayo sa usapan, sa MRT, lahat ng uri ng tao makakasalamuha mo. Babae, lalaki, matanda, bata, may ipin o wala. Meron ding mataba, payat, mabango, at may BO. Sobrang nakaka-inis yung mataba na may BO pa. Nasisiksik ka na nga, tinotorture pa ang ilong mo all the way.

Pero simula last year, hindi ko na kinasusuklaman ang MRT. Sobrang saya ko na nga ngayon pag sumasakay ako dun. Kasi hindi na "ako" ang sumasakay. Sumasakay na "kami". Hindi ko narealize na sobrang laki pala ng pagkakaiba ng mag-isa compared dun sa may kasama ka. Pag mag-isa ka kasi at meron kang naiisip, hindi mo pwedeng kausapin ang sarili mo, baka isipin nila baliw ka. At least pag may kasama ka, may makikinig na sa mga nasa isip mo... siguraduhin mo lang na hindi ka nya tutulugan.

Mula sa isang simpleng usapan, nabubuo ang isang malalim na pagkakaibigan. E isipin mo na lang kung araw-araw may usapan, e di sobrang lalim nun! Sa sobrang lalim nga, hindi ko namalayan, nahulog na pala ako (tgsh!). Pero seriously speaking, iba talaga ang nagagawa ng pag-uusap. Kahit na mga mababaw na bagay lang, siguradong may matututunan ka at makikilala mo unti-unti ang kausap mo. Malay mo, tulad ko, sa mga simpleng usapan mo pala makikilala ang taong matagal mo nang hinahanap?

Maraming pwedeng pag-usapan sa MRT. Nandyan ang trabaho, sports, at showbiz. Pwede rin ang favorite food, color, movie, book, at kung anu-ano pang bagay. Kung alam mo na lahat ng favorite nya, usisain mo naman ang buhay ng kapatid nya, tatay, nanay, aso, kapitbahay, pinsan, lolo, lola, lolo sa tuhod, at lola sa talampakan. Kung tapos na nyang ipakilala ang buong family tree nya, yung sa yo naman ang pakilala mo.

Isa rin sa mga paborito naming type of conversations sa MRT e yung "Who is?" Sample question: sino ang kakilala mong may nakakainis na mukha? Pwede rin naman yung "Rating Game". Dito, ira-rank nyo yung mga kakilala nyo according sa napiling category. Sample categories: pinakamaganda, pinakasexy o macho, pinakamabait, pinakamatalino, pinakaburaot na mukha, at pinakamalakas na utot.

Naubusan na ako ng sasabihin, inaantok na rin kasi ako. Hindi ko na naman nagawa yung dapat kong gawin. Pero ok lang, matagal na rin kasi akong hindi naka-blog. Baka amagin na yung site ko. Next time sana mas matino naman yung magawa ko. Hehehe.
Kung hindi stressed sa work, stressed naman sa bahay! Hay buhay! Pero salamat na rin at hindi naman nagsasabay.
Had one of my best weekends ever. Starting with Avatar yesterday and ending with coffee bonding session this evening. Excited ako sa mga plans namin! Sana lang e wag umiral ang katamaran. Hehehe.

Speaking of Avatar, sobrang ganda ang visual effects. Simple nga lang yung story pero more than enough na rin para sa isang feel-good movie. Overall, sobrang sulit ang binayad namin for my first IMAX experience!

Regarding our plans, kahit na hindi ako musically-inclined, hope na matupad yun lalo na yung nakaset na goal namin for the year. =)
I can't write when I'm happy. It seems like no words are good enough to express the light, floating, relaxed sensation of bliss. But since this is my first post for the new year, I'll do my best to write one right now.

As you may have already deduced in my first paragraph, I am so very happy right now. It's like every minute of waiting and doubt that I had for the last four years finally made sense. It's that indescribable feeling of being complete, of finding the last missing piece of the puzzle. And with that, any problem or obstacle seem to be so easy to overcome.

I am starting 2010 with a very big smile. I hope to end it with an even bigger one.