Just finished watching one of my favorite movies, Pay it Forward. Even though I have watched it many times before, I still am amazed at the wonderful story, great performance of the actors, and the simple uniqueness of the concept.



For those who haven't watch the movie yet, the concept of Pay it Forward is really simple: you do something real good for three people, and when they ask how they can pay back, tell them to "pay it forward" to three more people, each. You have to do something very important to that person, and something that he/she cannot or would not normally do.



In the movie, the concept started when one Social Science teacher gave an assignment to his 7th grade students. He asked them to think of an idea for world change, and put it into ACTION. Twelve-year-old Trevor, the protagonist in the film, came up with Pay It Forward.



It is funny that even though the idea sounds really simple, it takes a lot of effort, courage and time to apply it in one's life. In our world today, seldom are those who give something without expecting to receive anything for themselves.



Which leaves me thinking... Christmas is only hours away, isn't it nice that instead of having the usual "exchange gifts", we rather have "forward gifts"? And why limit ourselves to the Christmas Season? Throughout the year, when we get the chance to do something real good to someone, instead of telling them to "repay me in the future", ask them to pay it forward.



Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!

To exist is to be perceived.



Eighteen years of wandering in this road called life made me realize that my existence in this world isn't just about me sleeping, eating, having fun, studying, and doing those other day-to-day activities. Rather, it is how gracefully I lived my yesterdays, how boldly I am facing my todays, and how wisely I will prepare for my tomorrows. Whatever perceptions other have for me at the present, due to the actions I have taken in the past, can be considered as evidences of what I will be in the future.



But to exist isn't just to be seen, heard or felt by others. To exist is to be involved. Yes, you may have friends, but simply having friends is different from having these persons whom you care about, think about, and share your problems with. Yes, you may have a family, but simply having a family is different from having a father whom you think about whenever he goes to work, a mother whom you help with the household chores because you can see that she is very tired, brothers whom you look up as models and you try to emulate, and a sister whom you protect from any possible harm or disappointments. Yes, you may have a special someone, but simply having a special someone is different from having this person so close to your heart whom you never fail to think about, whom you always want to be with, and whom you want to share your whole life with.



This means that there is a big difference between simply "being here" and actively "existing here". The former connotes a mere physical appearance while the latter implies a deep spiritual connection. In the first one, people around you knows you are here simply because they can see that you are here, while in the second one, people around you do not need to physically see you just to know that you are with them.



Unfortunately, it took me eighteen long years just to realize this simple fact:



It is only when we start to care about the people around us do we gain the experiences required for us to grow and mature. The different emotions and feelings that we have toward others and that we keep and nourish inside of ourselves help us develop a strong and distinct personality. If people would only start to take care more for others, they will never need to take care for themselves because each one of them will take care of each other. And from that, Heaven will finally be realized here on earth.

(from June Mark's Friendster Blog)
MGA TAUHAN Jigs - Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabaho bilang researcher sa isang financial firm
Yumi - Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years ahead kay Jigs.



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TAGPO: Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort. Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sa sahig habang inaayos ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.
YUMI Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man. Naaawa ako sa'yo e. Tabi na tayo sa kama.
JIGS Hindi, okay lang ako dito.
YUMI Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no. Malaki naman itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.
JIGS Sure ka?
YUMI Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?
JIGS (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?
YUMI Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot na divider.
JIGS Good idea. Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati ang kama sa gitna.
Magse-settle down ang dalawa. Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya: "Puppy Love and other Stories" ni F. Sionil Jose. Si Yumi naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music habang nagsa-zazen.
YUMI Do you mind?
JIGS No, go ahead. I'm just reading.
Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silang di maka-concentrate. Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.
YUMI I can't believe our friends.
JIGS Oo nga e.
YUMI Dapat ginagawa nila 'to sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada o kaya sa bagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats.
JIGS Thanks.
YUMI So what're your plans?
JIGS Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng BPI sa OTP nila.
YUMI Wow naman. In demand.
JIGS Di naman masyado. Who the **** invented this tradition anyway?
YUMI (Matatawa) You won't believe it.
JIGS Ikaw?
YUMI Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.
JIGS So why did you start it?
YUMI Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon. Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko, magsimula kami ng tradition. Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae. Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin sa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we'll all see what happens. Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald at Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.
JIGS (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!
YUMI Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.
JIGS So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?
YUMI (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?
JIGS Feeling ko may nagtrip sa 'kin sa barkada e.
YUMI Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don't see any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year, unless may crush ka sa'kin na di ko alam at alam nila (tatawa).
JIGS Baka ikaw (tatawa).
YUMI The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.
JIGS I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia ang biktima.
YUMI And last year were Rod and Kay. They're getting married kailan? Sa June yata.
JIGS What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at isang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyari doon!
YUMI That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)
JIGS E kung may madisgrasya?
YUMI Anong disgrasya?
JIGS Alam mo na 'yun! Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.
YUMI Ano? Sex? Pa'no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka naman. Di mo masabi.
JIGS Ang alin?
YUMI Ang sex!
JIGS Hah!
YUMI Sige nga sabihin mo nga?
JIGS Para kang ****a. Tumigil ka nga.
YUMI ****, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!
JIGS Excuse me?
YUMI Sabihin mo nga: "Sex"
JIGS Para kang bata, Yumi ha.
YUMI You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in third year.
JIGS Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.
Tahimik.
JIGS Hmmm. I wonder if we're gonna last three days.
YUMI (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa'kin?
Di sasagot si Jigs.
YUMI We're gonna survive this one.
JIGS What makes you so sure?
YUMI No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractive pero I've no time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka-break ko lang.
JIGS Same here.
YUMI Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don't have time for this? (Matatawa)
Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang CD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa. Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.
JIGS Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.
YUMI May chips ba diyan?
JIGS Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.
Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha ng chips sa ibabaw ng ref.
YUMI Since we're gonna be stuck naman with each other for three days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin.
JIGS What do you mean?
YUMI Get the wine, let's have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and we're gonna be the first failure of this tradition.
JIGS Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.) When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo na sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin silang umamin sa isa't isa. Pero us...
YUMI Weird ng barkada natin 'no?
JIGS To our barkada and our weird traditions!
YUMI To us, the first failure of this tradition! Magto-toast sila at iinom.
JIGS Sige, ate Yumi. Let's make our stay here more interesting...
YUMI What's with the ate?
JIGS Fine... Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para magkwentuhan.
JIGS Let's play twenty questions.
YUMI Sige! Ano yon?
JIGS Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita, tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa't isa. Alternate tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can't ask the question that I already asked.
YUMI That's pretty interesting.
JIGS At bawal magsinungaling.
YUMI Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in the room. Ok?
JIGS Of course. You wanna start?
YUMI No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si Jigs)
JIGS Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo sa buhay?
YUMI Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge-challenge. Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.
JIGS Simula pa lang e.
YUMI Sige. Ano nga ba...?
JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?
YUMI Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako... I'm a frustrated ballet dancer.
JIGS Talaga?
YUMI I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akong disiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero I really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati kong naiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ng tanong mo. Walang thrill.
JIGS Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa'kin mamaya.
YUMI We'll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bading ka?
JIGS Never.
YUMI Bilis ng sagot a.
JIGS Coz I never entertained the idea.
YUMI Homophobe ka ba?
JIGS Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?
YUMI So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?
JIGS I'm straight, okay?
YUMI I'm not asking if you're gay or not. I'm asking kung...
JIGS Never nga.
YUMI We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us.
JIGS What?! You thought I was gay?!
YUMI E pa'no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi mo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo! Too good to be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero iniisip namin front mo lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bading ang pagiging maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty...
Tatawa lang si Jigs.
YUMI So we thought it's either that or you were planning to become a priest.
JIGS What?!
YUMI Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba...
JIGS The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.
YUMI Of course not. I didn't mean that!
JIGS I take my faith seriously. That doesn't make me gay!

YUMI So you did want to become a priest...
JIGS Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family... and be a father.
Tahimik.
YUMI So you're not gay.
JIGS No.
YUMI You never...
JIGS Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It's my turn.
YUMI Homophobe ka no?
JIGS Hindi kaya!
YUMI Whatever...
JIGS Ako na, daya mo naman e.
YUMI Okay, okay. Shoot me.
JIGS How do you see yourself five years from now?
YUMI You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e.
JIGS The object of this game is not to win.
YUMI E ano pa ba?
JIGS To get to know the other person.
YUMI Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill ang isang game kung walang nananalo.
JIGS Sagot.
YUMI May time limit ba ito? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.
JIGS Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.
Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.
YUMI Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom) To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimula ako ng sarili kong botique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula.
JIGS Not bad.
YUMI Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang competition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials ang nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng botique.
JIGS (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?
YUMI Yuck!
JIGS Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan.
YUMI May talent naman ako kahit papano a!
JIGS Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib! (Tatawa)
YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga! Akala ko goody-goody ka... Hindi ko papatulan ang pagbobold kahit ano'ng mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.
JIGS Ganito? Ano'ng ganito? Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.
YUMI These producers think all the people want is sex, sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga!
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?
YUMI Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako na'ng magtatanong. Ang korni mo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nang konti...
Inom ka muna. Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.
YUMI Who was your first crush in the barkada? Tahimik.
YUMI Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.
Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.
JIGS Lalaki o babae? Tatawa sila pareho.
YUMI Dapat may time limit ito e. Tahimik.
JIGS Hirap naman ng tanong mo.
YUMI Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.
JIGS Wine pa?
YUMI Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!
Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.
JIGS Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung pinakamaganda sa barkada.
YUMI Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa'kin ang pinakagwapo si Joel. Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg...
JIGS Yung literally na may dating, walang tanung-tanong. Yung kahit sino'ng tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot.
YUMI Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing game. C'mon man. Play your own game. Pa'no na kung truth or dare to e di pahirapan na. Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.
JIGS Yung commercial model.
Matitigilan si Yumi.
YUMI Wine pa nga.
Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom. Biglang matatawa.
YUMI (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?
JIGS Sige, pagtawanan ba?
YUMI You can say it to my face, I won't bite. Bakit hirap na hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lang e... Wine pa nga!
JIGS Okay, 1 point ka na...
YUMI (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan naman nangyari ito?
JIGS Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush in the barkada... NOW?
YUMI E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.
JIGS Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang tanong mo, first crush ko.
YUMI Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball ito, tambak ka na.
JIGS Just answer the question.
YUMI Siyempre wala. I told you, I don't have time for these stuff. Kakabreak ko lang di ba?
JIGS Korni mo namang sumagot.
YUMI E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang kailangan kong sumagot.. .hmmm...teka...sino nga ba? Sino ba'ng crush material sa barkada? Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.
JIGS Yung seryoso naman.
YUMI Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang...
JIGS E napipilitan ka lang e.
YUMI Uy! Pa'no ba'yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush kita...yiheee (Tatawa).
JIGS Dati pa 'yon no!
YUMI Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano namang ginawa ko? Tsk. Tsk.
JIGS Is that your question na?
YUMI Oy, hinde! Ito naman... di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?
Iinom ng wine si Jigs.
YUMI Fine. Here's a little juicy question: Describe your first kiss.
JIGS That's not even a question.
YUMI Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like? Matatawa si Jigs.
JIGS Wet.
YUMI Yuck! Magtatawanan sila.
JIGS Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi kami nung isa kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo. E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako. E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto, sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga ang feeling e. Parang may glue! . Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho... Tawa pa rin si Yumi
YUMI Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si Krissy ba ito?
JIGS Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.
YUMI So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?
JIGS Nope.
YUMI Ha?
JIGS Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin e. May boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Pero at least, na-discover namin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa't isa. Pero hanggang doon na lang.
YUMI What happened after?
JIGS We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work. Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko.
YUMI Nakakatuwa naman.
JIGS Ikaw, pa'no yung first kiss mo?
YUMI Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit ba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin 'yan!
JIGS Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ng wine) Okay, naka-warm-up na ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did?
YUMI 'Yan ang mga tanong! Ano ba'ng ibig mong sabihin ng naughty?
JIGS Bahala kang mag-define.
YUMI Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.
JIGS Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo exciting naman...
YUMI Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time.
JIGS (Nagulat) Hala.
YUMI I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.
JIGS Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel? YUMI Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako (matatawa).
JIGS Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo't ginawa mo iyon, aber?
YUMI Nag-eexperiment lang! ako. E sa type ko sila pareho e. Ano'ng magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill. Alam mo iyon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date sa isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre, kasi, alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akala n'yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng gumawa no'n?
JIGS How can you love two guys at the same time?
YUMI Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman ang love dun. I was...having fun!
JIGS Nainlove ka na ba, ever?
YUMI Nakakailang tanong ka na? It's my turn.
JIGS Don't you want to answer the question anyway?
YUMI My turn!
JIGS Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa) Ubos na ang unang wine bottle.
Kukuha si Jigs ng isa pa sa ref.
JIGS Ang bilis nating uminom a.
YUMI Are you still a virgin?
JIGS Whoa! Where did that come from?
YUMI That's my fourth question.
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo?
Ngingiti si Jigs. Titi

tigan lang siya ni Yumi.
YUMI Don't tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni Krissy hanggang ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo?
JIGS Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.
YUMI So virgin ka pa? I don't believe it!
JIGS Mukha ba akong taranta..?
YUMI Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.
JIGS Insulto ba 'yon?
YUMI Compliment 'yon, ****a.
JIGS Ah, okay. Thanks.
YUMI Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?
JIGS Alin? Sex?
YUMI Wow! Nasabi rin niya!
JIGS Of course I always feel it. Natural lang 'yon sa tao no? Nasa iyo na lang 'yan kung ano'ng gagawin mo sa urge na 'yon.
YUMI E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean, pag naiihi ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang 'yon, di ba?
JIGS Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi. At hindi ka iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain sa iyo. Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may naki**** pagkain diyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon 'yan.
YUMI And sex is the same?
JIGS Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At least, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.
YUMI Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing lahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto, mali.
YUMI And what is that context?
JIGS Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na natin 'yan.
Tahimik.
JIGS Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin ginagawa.
Tahimik.
JIGS Masarap e. Sino ba'ng ayaw nun?
Tahimik.
YUMI (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat kang i-congratulate for being a virgin!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplain ko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mga paniniwala ko... No need to get so cross about it, Yumi.
Tahimik.
JIGS It's not about being a virgin or not. It's about putting things into their proper places.
YUMI I'm not arguing with you.
JIGS Me neither. I'm just answering your questions.
Matagal na katahimikan. Ngingiti si Jigs. Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraang train of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Yumi.
JIGS Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still wanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti)
YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Who was your first lay?
YUMI: (Hahampasin ng unan si JIGS) Ang bastos mo talaga! So inaassume mo na hindi na ako virgin?
JIGS: E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang nananalo e. So I guess I'm winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a! I'm just hitting two birds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot: wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?
YUMI: Ang daya mo.
JIGS: Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.
YUMI: You think I'll answer that after giving your sermon, Father JIGS?
JIGS: Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko. Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I'll respect them as well as I know you respect mine. I'm no saint. I'm just trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti)
YUMI: How do you do that?
JIGS: Alin?
YUMI: I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way you say things...parang bumabaliktad sa yo...makes you more...charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, di na kita kakausapin.
JIGS: You can't walk out. We're locked here for three days except for meals.
YUMI: So I'm forced to like you para di masira ang vacation ko. (Ngingiti)
JIGS: You don't have to answer my question if you don't want.
YUMI: I guess I'll be honest with you as you were honest with me... Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si YUMI.
YUMI: Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my first boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, it was something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other. Tapos, yun...yun na. We went back just in time for the awarding of the prom queen. Guess what, I won pa. (Mahinang tawa)
JIGS: What was it like?
YUMI: Now that I look back, it isn't as special as I thought it was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just led by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused. Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo yun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawin mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect. Everything was magical...well, almost.
JIGS: Almost...?
YUMI: Sa next question mo na 'yan. Ako na.
JIGS: (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.
YUMI: Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa kin no? (Tatawa)
JIGS: Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa)
YUMI: Engot. Hindi yon. Here's something na curious lang ako. Kasi I've been hearing things...saka you've hinted on it na rin kanina...Are you still with Krissy?
JIGS: Hindi na.
YUMI: Since when?
JIGS: Two, maybe three weeks ago?
YUMI: Sino'ng nakipag-break?
JIGS: Pareho kami.
YUMI: Why?
JIGS: Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin na it won't work. Isa na don, magkaiba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.
YUMI: Like what?
JIGS: Marami.
YUMI: At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years with her?
JIGS: People change, YUMI.
Tahimik.
JIGS: Right before graduation, she asked me to move in with her.
YUMI: Talaga?
JIGS: Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon namin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she's working na naman, ako naman bagong graduate, we should try out na raw living together if it'll work for us.
YUMI: Natakot ka sa arrangement?
JIGS: Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano pa ng ikakatakot mo, di ba?
YUMI: E bakit umayaw ka?
JIGS: It's just that, it's not my thing.
YUMI: ! Sabi na nga ba e, bading ka no? Sinasayang mo ang opportunities! (Matatawa)
JIGS: Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bading.
YUMI: Fine.
JIGS: Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mga ganitong bagay. Wala pa sa isip ko ang gano'n. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next step sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of being together and knowing each other, we're practically ready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero I realized, I'm not ready for any of these. Narealize ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon. I need to mature some more to get into this thing I mean, getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako...
YUMI: Maturity has nothing to do with age.
JIGS: But it has a lot to do with time.
Tahimik.
JIGS: So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig sabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus the commitment? Pa'no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na? Iinom ng wine si JIGS. JIGS: Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think that's the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will work kasi takot kayo na baka hindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitement ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa lang. Magkikibit-balikat lang si JIGS.
YUMI: Are you always like that?
JIGS: Like what?
YUMI: So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa relationships.
JIGS: Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and error. Ngingiti si JIGS. Tahimik.
YUMI: So, No hard feelings?
JIGS: Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa bahay e.
YUMI: That's nice.
JIGS: Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?

YUMI: That's your sixth na ha?
JIGS: Sure.
YUMI: Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up namin ni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang ito ha? JIGS: Of course. YUMI: Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba? I wanted to be in a relationship na special naman. So of all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako. Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung making love di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with yourself and with your partner. So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisip yung sarili ko.Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na... JIGS: Ano'ng nangyari? YUMI: Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako ng proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof yon? Na I'm saving myself for that right moment, that special moment between us? Alam mo'ng ginawa? Nilayasan ako!
JIGS: You deserve someone better.
YUMI: Talaga!
YUMI: Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of meaningless sex, when I'm looking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng buhay no?
JIGS: That's the way we must learn.
YUMI: Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience yung tunay na mag make-love. And I had to go all through those relationships para lang ma-realize yun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.
Iinom ng wine.
YUMI: Ikaw ba, importante sa yo na virgin ang mapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba?
JIGS: Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan yan. Pero now that you ve mentioned it...It doesn't matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course I value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko. It's like the perfect wedding gift I could give to her. Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn't care. As long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don't expect her to give me the same gift. I don't do something because I expect people to do the same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin yon. Masaya na ako sa ganoon.
YUMI: (Mapapangiti si YUMI.) You know, that's the nicest thing I ever heard from a guy. That's why I always enjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things.
JIGS: Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal to love?
YUMI: I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I mean, after the first time na...you know...sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Tapos naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yung naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And then I felt empty. So empty. That's why I wanted to change. I wanted to believe in making love. And I'm still looking for it. Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my body but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone to touch my soul. To make love to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, naging numb na ko sa dami ng relasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung mararanasan ko pa iyon. That's why I envy you.
Tahimik.
YUMI: Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?
JIGS: You still have your soul...(Ngingiti)
Tahimik.
YUMI: With whom would you want to experience it?
JIGS: Of course, sa asawa ko.
YUMI: I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my seventh question.So give a name.
JIGS: A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging asawa ko.
Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si YUMI. Iinom ng wine.
JIGS: Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then, it was just gone. Of course I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.
Tahimik.
JIGS: My turn?
YUMI: Shoot me.
JIGS: Tell me something...a secret. Yung wala kahit isang nakakaalam.
Matagal na katahimikan.
JIGS: You trust me naman di ba?
YUMI: Well, you've earned it, alright.
JIGS: Saka wala akong tinatago sa yo. Sinagot ko lahat ng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)
YUMI: I uhm...
JIGS: Yes...?
YUMI: I need more wine.
Magsasalin si JIGS ng wine.
JIGS: Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to go. Iinom ng wine si YUMI.
YUMI: I'll tell you something no one in the world knows except one other person. And that person probably forgot all about me already.
JIGS: (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?
YUMI: Ano ka ba?
JIGS: Biro lang. Seryoso na.
YUMI: Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.
JIGS: Promise.
YUMI: If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan mo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.
JIGS: Mamatay man ako ngayon.
YUMI: Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then... (Magiging mas seryoso ang tono niya) ...and Zach. I wasn't really with Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel, alam mo na...making out and stuff...Well, anyway, I was kinda serious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and I were...you know...doing it. And... JIGS: And...? YUMI: Uhm...I...uhm...I got pregnant.
JIGS: What?
Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si YUMI.
YUMI: I uhm...****. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm...Two months akong delayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntis nga ako...and Joel found out about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn't know what to say, you know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn't really love him? Na wala lang iyon? And so he broke up with me and...I..uhm...I was afraid and uhm...(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)
JIGS: It's okay...
YUMI: I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left me. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make him come back but I don't think he'd believe me after the thing with Zach...and...my parents are gonna kill me if...****. (iiyak)
JIGS: (lalapit kay YUMI para i-console ito) Ssshhh...you don't have to tell me this if it upsets you...
YUMI: And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgol) I didn't mean to, JIGS. I wasn't myself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone... JIGS:
Tahan na. Ssshhh...
Iiyak lang si YUMI kay JIGS. Yayakapin ni JIGS si YUMI.
JIGS: Alam ba to ni Joel?
YUMI: How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam ay yung duktor sa clinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God...
JIGS: It's alright... Hihimasin ni JIGS ang likod ni YUMI.
Patatahanin niya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang. Matagal na katahimikan.
YUMI: Can you get me my yosi?
Tatayo si JIGS. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng kama. Kukunin ang Yosi ni YUMI. Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay YUMI.
YUMI: Thanks...
Matagal na katahimikan.
YUMI: If we were...if we were the last two people on earth, would you consider doing it with me?
JIGS: Doing what?
YUMI: Alam mo na...
JIGS: Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)
YUMI: **** mo. (Ngingiti)
JIGS: Ngumiti rin.
YUMI: So? Would you?
JIGS: Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanan si YUMI) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
YUMI: Shut up nga!
JIGS: That's your eight na, ha?
YUMI: I lost count. Answer it.
JIGS: Why not?
Hihithit ng yosi si YUMI. Tahimik. Sasandal si YUMI sa balikat ni JIGS.
JIGS: If you could be something else, what would you be?
YUMI: I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro.
JIGS: Bakit?
YUMI: I always saw the relationship of a violin and its player as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sincere sa isa't isa. Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. The violin sur

renders her body to her player, her whole body and her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared to the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.
Tahimik.
JIGS: Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)
YUMI: Pa'no mo malalamang in-love ka na?
JIGS: Paano? I! Don't think there s a formula to that. Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin yon? I'd like to believe na yun na nga yon...yung kay Krissy...
YUMI: Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo nga si Krissy?
JIGS: Alam mo nakakatawa...korni actually. Babalik na naman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni.
YUMI: Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.
JIGS: I heard bells.
YUMI: Ano?
JIGS: Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may narinig na lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang yon pero yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles. YUMI: Seryoso ka ba? JIGS: O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may nagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Tapos napangiti ako. Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.
YUMI: Korni nga. (Matatawa)
JIGS: Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag naranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.
Ngingiti si YUMI. Tahimik.
YUMI: Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo. O lasing lang ako?
Tahimik.
JIGS: I'm into my last question. Iaangat ni YUMI: ang ulo niya.
YUMI: Shoot me. Better make it good.
JIGS: If you were again to be the next victim of this tradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again...who would you want the next guy to be?
YUMI: (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to... Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who'd stroke my strings...not even. Yung mapapatunog niya ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik) Lumuluwag na ang dila ko...kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko. (Ngingiti)
Tititigan lang ni JIGS si YUMI. Tahimik.
YUMI: Siyempre yung masarap kausap.
Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si YUMI.
YUMI: Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap... I think it's better than making love.
Mapapatingin si YUMI kay JIGS.
YUMI: Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.
Matitigilan siya.
YUMI: I can't believe I just said that.
Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si JIGS.
YUMI: Don't you want to kiss me?
Pause. Titignan siya ni JIGS sa mata.
JIGS: Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si JIGS)
YUMI: Yes.
DILIM...
[END]

Nobody knows who I really am.
I never felt this empty before.
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?



And still, the journey goes on.
Even on tranquil days so long.
And each new phase of the moon...
...shines upon my heart with boon.



So we offer a prayer.
Waiting for a new day to share.
Until the brilliant blue sea...
...dries up completely.

It's funny. Thinking that you know everything, but at the same time knowing nothing. Trying so hard to acquire something you already have. Looking ahead, behind and around but never looking inside. Neglecting things that are important to you. Being better by committing mistakes. Feeling empty by becoming perfect. Trusting and believing someone whom you know might hurt you. Being someone other than yourself. Smiling when your sad, crying when your happy. We do live in a crazy world... and that makes it worth living.

It has been a while since I last posted here... Have been busy lately, finished my "unfinished" businesses, settled matters with different people, and now starting a new journey while abondoning old ones.

Wala lang akong magawa. Hehehe

Katatapos ko lang mag-aral sa Persons (woohoo, nag-aaral kuno dito.. hahaha) at dahil lumalabnaw na naman tong utak ko sa kababasa, dito ko na muna ibubuhos ang mga walang kakwenta-kwentang bagay na kanina ko pa naiisip nung nagpapanggap pa ako sa pagbabasa...



1. Sa mga nagrereklamo na puros mukha ko ang nakikita sa "Friend's Blogs" dahil sa dalas ng posts ko, inggit lang kayo, gumawa rin kayo ng Blog nyo para kita din mukha nyo.. hahahaha.



2. Sorry sorry sorry kay Nessie. Lam mo na kung bakit. =D Peace na tayo.



3. Hindi ko alam kung sinusundan ba talaga ako ng malas, hanggang College of Law, mag-aaral na lang, dami pang side-orders na problema. Ang labo kasi ng utak ng mga tao minsan.



4. Nananawagan ako sa kung sino man gusto bumili ng Pentium 4 computer, kontakin nyo ako, mura lang promise. hehehe



5. Start na ng Season 6 ng Smallville sa US last Thursday (Friday dito sa Pinas). Medyo bitin ako sa panonood, parang may kulang yung season premiere episode nila.



6. Ganda na ng nangyayari sa Naruto Manga. Galing talaga ni Shikamaru.



7. Nag Google Earth ako kanina, may bagong update daw. Hindi pa rin kita ang kalahati ng Malolos... Tsk tsk tsk... Gusto ko pa naman sana makita yung Malolos Cathedral/Basilica.



8. Patay na naman ako sa pag gising mamaya, sorry sa mga tumatawag sa kin ng umaga, puros hilik ko lang maririnig nyo sa kin.



9. Wala na naman akong pera. Pambihirang mga photocopy yun, P500 kagad damage sa kin, bagsak naman sa mga subjects.. haaaayyyy.. Pautang naman o.. Sige na.. Please... please....



10. Dumating na pala si Drewy galing Tate, nagkita kami sa shop kanina. Muntik na namin tanggalin sa partnership, buti na lang may pasalubong na shirt. Oi Drew, pag balik mo US, sama mo ko, puntahan natin yung hinuhulugan ng 25cents coin. Bwahahaha



11. Wala na akong maisip, tulog na 3/4 ng utak ko... yung 1/4 sigaw ng sigaw na matulog na daw ako. kaya pagbibigyan ko na, kawawa naman e, baka magtampo. Ilang bytes kaya ang nasayang ko sa server ng Friendster sa walang kakwenta kwentang blog na to? Gusto ko na talaga matulog kaya lang hindi ko alam kung pano tatapusin to kaya type pa rin ako ng tyzzzzzzzzz.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...... zzzzzzzz..... zzzzzzzzzz... zzzzzzz...... zzzzzzzzz.... zzzzzzzz.....

i thought that we had it
i thought we could make it
i thought that we were strong
my thoughts were very wrong



what happened between us
you and i know very well
will our path cross again
that, only destiny can tell



are you missing me
the way that i do
i hope your life's better now
for mine is definitely not

Hate is not the antithesis of love. Pride is.



Hate is a distinct, strong emotion that is directly connected with love. You can never hate someone without loving him/her first, because it is exactly because you care for him/her, that's why you subsequently feel hatred towards that person. If you do not love a person, if you do not care for that person, then you won't give a damn about him/her, thus you will have no feelings towards him/her, be it hate or love.



As much as caring is a product of love, I believe that apathy is an offspring of pride. And as much as love is the source of all goodness, pride for me is the source of all evil. And so, if God is Love, the Devil is Pride.



Loving is putting God and other people first before one's self, whereas exhibiting pride is exalting one's self before everything else. A person's action, though important and also a determinant of one's personality, is second only to a person's intent. Therefore, someone who does something wrong because of his love for someone else, may be justified, exempted, or his penalty be mitigated. On the other hand, no matter how "right" a person's action may be, if it is "all for the glory of himself", we see it as nothing more than a piece of trash, perhaps even worse.



To love is to live in hapiness: in real, authentic bliss. To live in pride is to forever live in agony, despair, hopelessness and ultimately, loneliness. With love is the company of true family, friends and lovers. With pride is to suffer with users, abusers and backstabbers.



The most difficult thing about succumbing to pride is that it is almost a one-way ticket to loneliness. Once you fell prey to it, it is almost selling yourself to the Devil, because you will find yourself in a cycle wherein you unconsciously bury yourself in despair and loneliness, and the worst part of this is that you are too proud to admit that you are wrong and you are alone. I said almost, because yes, there is a way out of the cycle of pride, though it is not a way without lots of difficulties and sacrifices.



As a closing, I would like to share this simple procedure on how to make sure that we are living in love and not in pride: Ask yourself, "If Jesus is in my place, what would He do?", then open the Bible and read for yourself.

woohoo!!! lam kong magpopost na ng blog mga fellow bedans ko, kaya magpost na rin ako. wahahaha.. after 28 years, nanalo din sa wakas!!! yahoo!!!! hehehe... champion kami!!!!!!!!

Got this one from Ivie's blog...






The One That Got Away



Source: The Manila Times



By: Mark J. Macapagal



     In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that got away.



      Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person, with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person; there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.



      I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.



    How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequential, become deal breakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of th at fact.



    Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect. They might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It will work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will. So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, and you finally understand who you are and what you want. And you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids. It doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away is the first person you think about. You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is, the biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.



      If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Beli eve me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment. One which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens. Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder what if you got that one.



      Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know. I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that ALMOST got away."

when you're in love, the world simply stops...



every noise, every sound, seems to whisper her name...



anything becomes possible, just to get close to her...



and that's what i feel for you, i love you, you know that too.



i miss you, i want to be there with you...



you are my princess and my priestess...



you are my whole world... this feeling so strong,



could never be wrong...



i miss you... i need you... i love you.



so let's just hold on and wish we



can be together soon...

~when you're inlove~

when you're in love you do things beyond your expectations...

and that's what i do... i love you... and you know that...

i miss you... i want you here with me... i want to be loved by you...

i am a princess in your eyes... i am your whole world you say...

but what can we do we're million miles away...

i am in love with you... i know you are too...

so let's just hold on and wish we

can be together soon...

i love you too... i miss you too... i need you too...

you are my world too...

<3
One day of not talking with you feels like a thousand years in hell. I miss you coz I need you, I need you coz I love you. Take care always. I'll always be with you, maybe not by your side, but always at your back.

i love the way you smile, honest and inspiring
I love watching you sleep, peaceful and so innocent
I love hearing you voice while ur talking, singing



I love to see you laugh at my corny jokes
I love to hold your hand, look into your eyes
I love to embrace you real tight



I love it when you tell me how perfect we are for each other
I love it when you pour your hearts contents on me
I love it when you ask me to be myself



I love dreamin of you when im asleep
I love thinkin of you when im awake
I love everything about you



I love you
I always did
I always will

I'm cleaning up my inbox right now. I have 1,011 messages, and as I read through each and every one of them again, I can't help but smile and reminisce... My oldest message is dated March 7, 1998 with the subject "friends always" from Ladisla Reyes. She's one of my chatmates sa compass internet dati (my nick is Nostalgia). Reading through the messages, I realized that I made a lot of friends, though most of them now, i have no more communication with. hehehe.. haaay, mukhang nde ko mtatapos ung paglilinis nito.. ang dami e.. hehehe.. signin off...

I.
Umiiyak ka na naman
Langya talaga , wala ka bang ibang alam
Namumugtong mga mata
Kailan pa ba kaya ikaw magsasawa



II.
Sa problema na iyong pinapasan
Hatid sayo ng boyfriend mong hindi mo maintindihan
May kwento kang pandrama na naman
Parang pang TV na walang katapusan



III.
Hanggang kailan ka bang ganyan
Hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
Ang pagtiyaga mo dyan sa boyfriend mong tanga
Na wala nang ginagawa kundi ang paluhain ka



Chorus:
Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayoy nag-kasama
Iilang ulit palang kitang makitang masaya
Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka nya
Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang iyong
Tunay na halaga



IV.
Hindi na dapat pag-usapan pa
Nagpapagod na rin ako sa aking kakasalita
Hindi ka rin naman nakikinig
Kahit sobrang pagod na ang aking bibig



V.
Sa mga payo kong di mo pinapansin
Akala mo’y nakikinig di rin naman tatanggapin
Ayoko nang isipin pa
Di ko alam ba’t di mo makayanan na iwanan sya



VI.
Ang dami-dami naman diyang iba
Wag kang mangangambang baka wala ka nang ibang Makita
Na lalake na magmahal sayo
At hinding hindi nya sasayangin ang pag-ibig mo



Repeat Chorus



VII. Minsan hindi ko maintindihan
Parang ang buhay natin ay napagti-tripan
Medyo Malabo yata ang mundo
Binabasura ng iba ang siya’y pinapangarap ko

August 4, 2006. 9:14pm



I'm home alone. Texted my sis and that cute little imp texted back "May mumu jan!"... How nice... now I'm tired, alone, and SCARED! GRRRRR!!!



Anyways, i'll be spending some time venting off my frustrations in this blog, so please bear with me (what the hell, as if anybody reads my blogs! lolz).



Random thoughts:



Due to "certain circumstances", I was reminded with a question asked by my classmate in College: "Sino ang pipiliin mo, yung taong mahal mo, pero hindi ka mahal, o yung taong mahal ka, pero hindi mo mahal?" I remember choosing the person I love, even if she doesn't love me. Looking back, I can say that if asked the same question now, I would still answer the same, though probably having a deeper reason than before.



To love is to unselfishly take a part of yourself and share it with others, without expecting anything in return. When in doubt on how to love, I have one ultimate guide: Jesus. To love someone, to see that this person is happy and safe, even at the expense of one's self, is the best experience that one could ever experience. For real love is above and beyond all the sacrifices, pains, and selfishness.



Yeah, easy said than done.



Why are we afraid to love? Is it because of past experiences? Is it because we are afraid so much to get hurt, or hurt someone? Or maybe we are just too busy with our lives to even bother about this nonsense?



Are we afraid of loving our parents, brothers or sisters? I guess not. Why? Simple: because we trust them. Therefore, trust is the core of true love. It is not difficult for us to love other people, we are just afraid to trust someone other than our family. But what is there to be afraid of? Are we afraid that they would hurt us? Are we scared that we might hurt them? Is love not reason enough for us to take the risk?



To end this nonsense post, let me share my favorite txt quote from Khom:



"To laugh is to risk appearing foolish...
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental...
To reach out for another is to risk involvement...
To expose feelings is to risk exposing one's true self...
To place ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk ridicule...
To love is to risk not being loved in return...
To live is to risk dying...
To hope is to risk despair,,,
To try is to risk failure...
And yet, the person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, ultimately becomes nothing."

In my dreams, I see your face, your beauty
When I'm asleep, I can hear you laughing
Hugging, feeling the warmth of your body
In my life It is you i've been seeking

Once again, let me feel that one feeling
Please, my lady, I ask of you deeply
Let me live those dreams, my very being
Breath back the life in this dying body

I'll die to be your hero, your champion
I'll live to protect you out of harms way
I want to be the one that you call on
I wish to be yours every single day

This love will never waver, never fade
Till this body of mine, to death be laid.

Infinite Fate
Sonnet VIII
07/20/06

(1)
Sabi nila ay kalimutan na kita
Pano nga ba kung ikaw ang laging hinahanap?
Sa bawat araw, sa pag gising sa umaga
Ang makasama ka ang tanging pinapangarap



Wala nang iba pang hahanapin pa
Kung pag-ibig mo ay nasa akin na
Ikaw ang buhay ko, ang nais makasama
Ngayon, bukas, kahit ikamatay ko pa.



(Chorus)
Mahal kita kahit magmukhang tanga
Mahal kita kahit na masaktan pa
Sa munting awit na to, sana'y mapadama
Ako'y sa 'yo, wala nang iba pa.



(2)
Mahalkoh, sumama ka sa akin
Pangako kong ika'y tunay na mamahalin
Wala ka nang dapat pang isipin
Binibini, ako'y iyong alipin



Munting paru-paro, sana'y gumising na
Buksan ang mga pakpak, imulat mga mata
Limutin at iwanan na ang nakalipas
Magkasama nating harapin ang bukas
(Chorus)

Miss ko na ang inuman ng barkada... Next friday, inuman kami, yahoo!

Yes, I do read my friends' blogs and bulletin board posts. For me, it is part of my responsiblity as a friend to "listen" to whatever feelings they want to express. It is a part of the never-ending process of getting to know one's friends, a simple way to keep oneself updated of what is happening to his friends amidst great distance and busy schedules. Thanks a lot, Friendster.

"Love is an ugly, terrible business, practised by fools. It will trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing but a few incredible memories that you can never shake. The truth is, there's always gonna be other girls out there, I mean, I hope.  But I'm never gonna get another first love.  That one's always gonna be her." - Little Manhattan

The question I have been asking over and over to myself: why do we love someone eventhough we know that in the (near) future, our heart will eventually be "trampled" upon and left bleeding on the floor? Are those "few, incredible memories" enough to tell yourself that it is worth all the pain?



Someone once told me that you can never experience the joy of loving without experiencing the pain of hurting first. Back then, it sounded stupid. Now, I know better.



It is through hurting that we learn how to appreciate the people that we love. It is when we hurt them, or when they hurt us, do we realize that we love them enough to feel pain, and to bear that pain because of them. True love is the realization that beyond the pain, beyond the betrayal, beyond the hate, anger, and broken dreams, we are still willing to accept that person, come what may.



Intoxicating poison inside my heart
Vast imagination filling my thoughts
Inscribing your name deeep within my soul
Everything inside me is nothing but you



Denying myself of my own freedom
Engaging my mind with mem'ries of you
Just a dream of you is heaven to me
Enslaved myself with your wit and beauty



Simple and gentle, firm and resilient
Unparalleled talents of mind and body
Stunning as a nature's goddess of perfection
Just to see you is a dream come true



Oh fair young lady, please never forget
Sometime, somewhere, your vines caught my heart
Unworthy as I am of your care and affection
Every part of me will never cease to love you... I promise